Series of emails with my funny students

 

Wall of Hands

 

This is my Wall of Hands in my office.  A hand for every student I have taught.  Not my high school students from back when I was at Preston and Westside High Schools, but all the students at Southwest Tech and SUU.  At first I was just doing colors, one color for each semester.  Last semester, though, I let them do their handprint the way that they wanted, and some of them are really creative and beautiful.  I like it.  I like to look at it and remember past students.  It's kind of eye catching too, a lot of people who come into my office remark on it.  Students who come in like to look for their handprint.  I guess it's kind of kindergartenish, but so am I.  

Day of Rest

 Sunday.  Day of Rest.  Ha.  Okay, I did get to sleep in.  That was nice.  Last night Ellie and I went to Tuacahn to see Brian Regan and we didn't get home until 10:30.  I slept in until past 8, I can't remember the last time I did that.  That felt good.

But the rest of the day, oh my laws.  I tried to log onto the Relief Society zoom meeting but the link wouldn't work so I couldn't do that.  Not my fault.  Then I went to a young women leadership meeting.  Then I went to sacrament meeting.  Then I went to Young Womens at the Browns house next door.  Then I came home and made dinner.  Then I did the dishes (Craig: Why are you doing the dishes?  Me: Because my friend is coming over to help me chart an admit and I want to do it at the table.  Craig:  Oh.)  Now I am typing this blog post and waiting for Mandy to come over and help me finish charting the home health admit I did yesterday.  Then I need to send an email to all the parents of the young women.  Then I want to write in my journal and read some of General Conference because I slept in this morning and skipped my scripture study.  

Actually, I feel like I am doing pretty good.  I have a paper due this Thursday but I've started it.  I have a 15 page paper due in six weeks that I am putting off because it doesn't interest me.  If I would just work on it a couple pages a week it would go much better. That is my usual MO of doing it but it's such a boring paper that I just put it off.  The whole class has been boring.  The Philosophical Underpinnings of Nursing.  Snore.  I have no interest in philosophy.  I keep thinking that these philosophers just needed the gospel and then all their problems would be solved.  

Here is a picture of Ellie while she was on a hike with Craig this week.  

Cross Country

 

When Ellie was in sixth grade, I told her that I thought she should do cross country.  I have never been all that good at running but I've always wished that I were.  Plus I think that being involved in team sports is a good way to find a tribe and fit in while you are in middle school and high school.  She, being the dutiful daughter that she is, joined the middle school team.  Those first weeks she would come home and fall asleep for hours.  She was constantly wore out.  She said that she was always the last one and could barely finish the practice run.

But then she started to get better.  She never missed practice.  Never.  She went to all the meets.  She tried and tried and tried and got better and better.  Soon she was running distances that I never dreamed that she would be able to.

Then we moved to Cedar.  One of the first things we asked about at the high school was the cross country team.  It was summer and they were in their pre-season practice routine.  The secretaries at the high school enthusiastically told me that the coach of the girls team was a retired physician who had coached for years and years and was just the best person in the world.  

Ellie was a little nervous to start going to practices.  She didn't know anyone and we had just barely moved.   Craig's cousin Mike Carpenter had a daughter who had just graduated from high school and who had ran on the team.  She offered to go with Ellie to the first couple practices.  

Pretty soon Ellie was bringing friends home from practice.  She made so many friends, really nice friends, through cross country.  She got to be good friends with Rever and Collin in the ward and it helped that they all did cross country together.

She had her regional meet yesterday at Canyon View High School here in Cedar.  She ran her heart out - and barely missed making it to state finals.  She was so disappointed and fell on the ground and cried and cried.  

I wish she could see what I see - all the wonderful things that cross country has brought into her life.  The persistence and determination.  The friends and parties.  The health and vigor.  The ability to push past pain.  

Heather texted and suggested that I take her shopping to get her mind off it.  I headed home from taking Josh to his friends house with the determination to do just that, but Rever was at our house and ended staying the whole afternoon and evening - which I'm sure was better than a shopping trip anyway.

I sure love my girl.  I'm so proud of her.  Someday I'm going to be like her.  

Tired

 Hello.  Tired.  I am tired.  I taught for four hours this morning, from 8 until 12 in Pharmacology.  Then I came home and ate a PBJ and lemon yogurt for lunch.  Then I went back and taught Community Health from 1 until 5.  Then I sped over to Josh's friends house to pick him up.  Then I sped home to try to make my 5:00 meeting with my professor and PhD cohort.  I missed the first 15 minutes because I couldn't get the audio on my phone to work and then when I got home, my laptop kept freezing.  It was driving me insane.  Now I am done.  Except I am waiting for Mandy, the other Applegate nurse, to text and see if she wants me to come over and learn how to chart an admit.  If I have to do that, it's going to take another couple hours.  I am tired.  

I'm working on the literature search for my topic.  I'm thinking that I am going to study the characteristics of effective mentors which help nurses transition to nurse faculty members.  I would type some more about it but I am tired.  

I will post a picture of Ellie sleeping during conference.  She gets tired sometimes too.

  

Boolean Logic

I learned what Boolean Logic is!  When my nursing textbooks first came, I opened one up and read something about "Boolean Logic".  That was enough for me and I slammed the text shut, completely intimidated.  

Such a weird word to explain a simple concept.  Boolean logic is the way to put terms together in a search by using AND, OR, and NOT.  If I am looking for articles in a database and I want the articles to be about nursing faculty and mentoring, I might search nurs* faculty AND mentor* - which will bring me articles about nursing faculty/nurse faculty and mentor/mentors/mentoring.  Or all of the above.  The AND is a Boolean operator.  It creates a more precise search.  

Fun fact: the word Boolean comes from George Boole, who is considered one of the founders of the field of computer science.  Except he is from the 1800s and I don't know what kind of computers they had in the 1800s.  I thought they were limited to a slide rule.  Or an abacus.  I texted Brigham and he had never heard of him.  Brigham asked if he invented Boolean algebra.  Never heard of it.    

My topic of interest

Okay so for right now, I have chose my dissertation topic. This does not mean that I won't change my mind in the future, but for right now, here it is: 

 I am interested in researching what the characteristics are of an effective mentor in assisting an individual transitioning from a nurse to a nursing faculty member.  I am personally interested in this due to my own start as a nursing faculty member.  I had trusted mentors to assist me in the difficult conversion, which was more challenging than I had supposed.  This topic is also of interest to the nursing education community due to the current shortage of needed nursing faculty.   

And for your enjoyment, here is a picture of Josh who has captured and impaled three dead fish and is using them to terrorize his family members.  

Scrub shopping with Ellie and a cat in my office

 

So until last year, whenever anyone asked Ellie what she wanted to be when she grew up, she would say a marine biologist.  Which I found ridiculous because fish are disgusting.  Last year we were at BYU for some reason.  Can't remember why.  I suggested that we sign up for a campus tour, which we did.  We were driven around campus in go carts by these lovely girls who showed us all the neat stuff to be seen.  they gave us choice between seeing the nursing lab or another campus feature, and I was surprised when Ellie said she wanted to see the nursing lab.  I was completely blown away - it didn't look like that when I was in the nursing program there!  How many millions of dollars spent on simulation labs and equipment....I was very impressed and completely jealous as a nurse educator.  

Since that time, Ellie has changed her mind and is thinking about majoring in nursing.  Which, of course, I am secretly completely thrilled about but manage to rein in my excitement and reply offhandedly "Whatever you feel is best, Sweetie....."

This semester she is taking a CNA class at Southwest Technical College, where I used to teach.  CNA students usually have to do a number of clinical hours as students in long term care facilities, but because of Covid, it doesn't look like they will have an opportunity. I got permission from the nursing director at the nursing facility where my home health patient lives to bring Ellie along on some visits.  (I didn't tell the director that Ellie was my daughter, just that she was a CNA student looking for some clinical hours.  Oops......) 

Yesterday I made a visit to my patient and brought Ellie along in her cute red scrubs.  She was so great.  She asked my patient's wife if she could practice taking her blood pressure and the wife was more than happy to allow her.  My poor patient and his wife are so lonely - they haven't been able to leave their facility in six months and aren't allowed to get visitors either.  I think if the devil arrived at their front door they would welcome him in.  Ellie had a great bedside manner and seemed confident, even though later she said that she was nervous.  I think we have a future nurse on our hands!!!

AND this is Mittens.  Mom made me a braided rug in SUU colors, which I put under my desk at work to keep my feet warm.  Another nursing professor, Shane, came in and said that it looked like it needed a cat on it.  Which offended me.  Last week I got to my office and found a cat sleeping on my rug.  It actually purrs and breathes and comes with a cat carrier and brush.  Several times that day, faculty members and colleagues would come to my door to talk to me and I would catch them staring quizzically at Mittens - and then they wouldn't say anything!  They would just assume that it was a decoration and I have a thing for cats!  I had to take it home and give it to Josh.  It was tarnishing my reputation as a serious faculty member.  Josh loved it.  

Sunday thoughts

So that is me with various kids and mothers in the past few weeks.

We get to go to church today - and we get to go every week from now on!!  Yay!  This is going to be weird, it's been six months since we were at church every week.  Sacrament meeting is at 1:00 and the whole ward goes as long as we keep it under 150 people.  Sunday School, Young Womens, Relief Society, and Priesthood is still held virtually.  No Primary yet.  A couple weeks ago we were at the Tolmans having morning devotional.  We were singing a Primary song and my boys had no clue what the words were.  That made me sad.  I'm not sure how good a job we are doing teaching the gospel to our children.  I am afraid not good enough.  And I know I am an utter failure at teaching them the Primary songs.  I came home and made a playlist of children singing Primary songs to play on Sunday.  Maybe that will help a bit.

Things are going pretty well with work and school.  People ask me how things are with school and I never know if they are talking about my work school or my school school.  I need a word to call my school school because I feel awkward calling it my doctorate program or my PhD program.  Maybe I should just call it school school.   We are going to have start writing a topic of interest statement and I am not sure.  I am pretty sure I want to do something with nursing faculty but I'm  not sure what.  Yesterday I was reading and came up with the idea to do something with the importance of mentors as an individual makes the change from a nurse to a nurse faculty.  That's been pretty important in my own life.  People had a lot of influence on me as I made that transition - for the better and worse.  

Johnny Kelly

Melissa cant remember her last name

Jodi Price

Rachel Madsen

Marijeanne Carter

April Gray

Shane Yardley

Donna Lister

Donna De Silva

SheriDawn Nielsen

Kevin Tipton

Bree Rayburn

That's a nice list.  For better - or for worse, some of them - they have all guided me through this journey.  

 

And so it begins.

 

So you would think that a nurse educator teaching nurse educators would be really careful to create a great course in Canvas.  But I guess not.  I am looking at my two courses I am starting on Monday in my PhD program, and one of them looks a little like a mess.  Plus the syllabus indicates there are a lot of assignments that do not contribute to the final grade but are only graded satisfactory/unsatisfactory.  Not to be one of THOSE students, but does that mean that I don't have to do them?  I don't think I mind being told that I am unsatisfactory, as long as I can still get an A in the course.  

Plus the syllabus says that to pass all courses, you have to get a B!  A B??!!  I thought that SUU Nursing has pretty high standards, and we say that students have to get a C!  What happened to "C's get degrees?"  

I've spend a few hours today doing some of the reading for next week and putting together my first discussion response.  It's a couple pages long, with cited references.  You can't see other students responses until you post your own, which is pretty tricky of the instructor.  I would rather see what all the other students are posting so I can get an idea of what everyone else is doing.  I'm worried that I will do way too much or not enough.  I like to stay in the middle of the pack and let the lions eat the stragglers.  

High School Registration

 

This morning Ellie and I went to register her for her junior year.  How is my little girl already a junior????  I can't think about that.  She is excited because her counselor got her signed up for CNA class first semester.  She had been told last year that she wouldn't be able to take it because she won't be 17 until December.  I got that straightened out by giving her some email addresses of higher-ups at Southwest Tech.  She emailed the nursing director and got permission.  So she is all set. Right now she is thinking that she wants to go into nursing, an idea which I am flagrantly pushing hard.  She would be a great nurse.  

Only two more years with her.  I can't think about that.  But only two more years with her.  I am going to be a basket case when she leaves.  She is so dear and good.  Such a help to me.  The house is going to be so empty when she leaves.  Plus I will be surrounded by males.  Maybe I can go with her to college.  And then to her mission.  That's a good idea!  Plus I think she would really like the companionship!  She won't have to be homesick if her mama goes with her!  Okay, this is a good plan. 

Cousins

 

The Browns came to visit this weekend!  Mikey and Sophie did the Fire Road with Craig yesterday.  I can't believe that Sophie, a 9-year-old, could ride a mountain bike 40 miles up and down the mountains.  While they did that, Tonya and I took the rest of the kids - except for  Ellie, she was working - to the St George Childrens Museum and had lunch in the park.  I like taking the kids to the museum when they have friends or cousins to play with, because it means I can sit on a bench and rest instead of being pulled from room to room.  

Last night Craig and I went out with Tonya and Mikey to Rustys for dinner and then came home and sat on the porch in the fading light.   That was nice.  Until Mom called and said that someone created a fraudulent check from her account and was able to cash it for $5000.00.  She is working with the fraud services from her bank to file a report and try to get her money back.  We are wondering if there is an employee from the retirement place where she lives who is doing this.  A year ago Craig and I sent her a check which she never received.  Someone else got hold of it and changed the amount to $800 and changed the name and was able to cash it.  I hate stuff like that.  Makes you feel like humanity is bad and can't be trusted.  AND WHAT KIND OF PERSON WOULD STEAL FROM A 69 YEAR OLD WOMAN?????

Lichen It

 

This morning Craig left early to go ride the Fire Road, a mountain biking race they have here every summer.  I slept until 7 and then got up and went mountain biking up Lichen It, my favorite mountain biking trail around here.  I made it to the top and back down again, but my butt was sure sore by the time I got home.  I don't know how Craig goes riding for hundreds of miles at a time.  

It was quiet and peaceful and nice to ride along with nothing but my thoughts.  I was talking to Janessa a couple weeks ago about how I'm starting this PhD program, working my full-time SUU teaching job, and a part time Applegate home health job all at once.  She said something that got me thinking - "You're going to need some serious hours on the bike."  

Whenever I get busy, it seems like exercise is the first to go, followed by gospel study, then sleep.  I don't want that to happen.  I hope that I can find a balance and fit important things into a busy schedule.   Ellie is a good example to me.  She likes to be busy, and juggles a lot of responsibilities, but always remembers to do what's important.  

New Journey

 I think that this new journey might be worth documenting.  I'm about to embark on it and I'm not sure I'll ever get to the end.  If I do, I will be Dr. Suzie Campbell.  The name isn't the reason I'm doing it, but it's perhaps the biggest sign that something about me is different.  I hope to be different at the end.  I can't say exactly how.  Smarter?  Better at teaching?  Not sure.  

I start in a week and a half.  I've ordered my books and they are arriving in the mail.  I open them up and flip through them and they are full of words that I don't know.  Today one came and it had a chapter on Boolean logic.  Boolean?  What kind of word is that?  I get intimidated and I close them and put them on my desk.  They are all lined up and I try not to glance at them as I walk into the kitchen.  Better to put it off as long as possible.  

I got a birthday present for Shane and it came in the mail today.  It's a motivational poster.  He likes to post motivational crap on social media.  It's a picture of a goldfish swimming in a fishbowl, staring out at a mountain lake.  It has the word DISCOURAGEMENT printed in big letters and then under it in little letters it reads "Because nothing is stopping you from your goals except a total lack of talent and a complete failure of will."  I think it's hilarious.  When it came in the mail, the company - they call themselves Despair Inc - sent me an extra poster for free.  It has a picture of a kayaker going off a waterfall with the words BELIEVE IN YOURSELF and then under it "Because the rest of us think you're an idiot."  

I am hoping that these posters do not embody this new journey.  

SUU

Here I sit in my office at the beginning of the day.  For some reason I logged back onto my blog and was reading some old posts from 2017.  Boy, sometimes that seems like so long ago.  So much has changed.  This is the last picture I took on my phone.  It was yesterday.  I got done with my Pharmacology class and went for a walk and grabbed some lunch.  On the way back to my office I was looking around and realized how beautiful the SUU campus is so I snapped some pictures. 

I am so glad to be here.  This week I went to lunch at Southwest Tech.  Shane and I had lunch with Gail and April and heard all about the drama there.  On the way back, we both said how grateful we were to be safely ensconced at SUU.  It's been good.  A LOT of work this first semester, but I have hopes that it will get better, especially after my first time through this Pharmacology course. 

Glad to be here in Cedar and glad for my good job.  This morning I was leaving and Craig said he had the day off and was going to go do something fun.  He started singing that old song "With or without you...." 

Resurrection

I'm thinking of resurrecting this blog.  I'm not committed to doing it yet, nothing crazy like that.  I just had the thought the other day that I might do it.  I'm not sure.  I feel crazy busy lately.  But maybe I could take a minute in the morning when I get to my office to post something.  Not sure.  But I'm sitting in my office and it's quiet and nobody else has gotten here yet, which is how I like it.  So I'll post something today and then we will see about the other days.

I've got students coming in six days, which has me a little freaked out.  I don't feel like I know how to do this yet.  And if I do a bad job then they waste a year of their life and they don't pass the NCLEX and they've paid all this money for nothing.  That haunts me.  Except I remember feeling quite nervous before I started my high school CNA job, which now makes me laugh.  So maybe this will be okay too.

We got an email from Hayes yesterday.  He said that it's very uncommon that people in Oregon stay married to their first spouse, that he only knows three couples that haven't been divorced at least once - and that is including members of the  ward.  He thanked his dad and I for giving him a good life and working hard on him and said that he loved us so much.  That is like a pure shot of joy to a mother's heart!!!! 

Okay, that's enough for one morning.  Don't want to go too crazy at the first. 

Ellie's Musical

Ellie was in the eighth grade musical.  They performed Snow White and the Seven Dwarves.  Ellie played the part of the narrator, which was the mother reading the story to her two children.  She also played a ribbon peddler, who tried to do away with Snow White.

It was so much fun to watch her.  She was SO good, especially as the mother.  I laughed my head off at her exasperation and frustration with her two quarreling children.  I could just see myself with Mac and Josh.  It reminded me so much of myself, watching her on stage.  She was so funny.

She looked absolutely beautiful up there.  She's such an extraordinarily pretty girl.  So good.  So smart.  She is just such a peach.

Josh

This morning I was gone when the kids got ready for school.  I was at the nursing home working with the CNAs trying to figure out how to supervise my students when they come for clinical.  I had to leave at 5:45 this morning and I was gone all day until 2:00 this afternoon.

When I got home, Craig said that in the morning, Josh had thrown a fit about going to school, that he didn't want to go.  Craig finally told him in exasperation that he was going to school with Brigham in the car and that when he got to school, he could stay in the car all day long if he didn't want to go in.

Right after that, Brigham and the rest of the kids got home from school and Brigham told me the story about what had happened.  Brigham said that when he got to school with Josh, that Josh refused to go in and said that his dad had told him he was allowed to stay in the car.  Brigham parked his car in the student parking lot and went in, leaving Josh in the car.

And that's where Josh stayed.  All day long.  Josh said that he took a nap for a while and got bored. Brigham came out to check on him at lunchtime and found him still there.  He brought him into school with him and fed him lunch and then took him to his physics class and choir.

So now Brigham's teachers - my colleagues - think that I send my six year old son to school with
Brigham to babysit.

Aaaargh.  This was a failure on so many levels.  I am appalled.  He could have wandered off and got lost or run over, the car could have heated up and killed him, he could have started walking down the highway...........the terrible possibilities are endless.

I usually trust that everything will be okay when I am gone, but then something like this happens and I realized that I should never go anywhere.  Ever.

Rae

In a previous post I posted a prayer I had for my dad.  I wanted to say some things about Rae, my "other mother".

I and all my sisters bless the day that Rae came into my dad's life.  She has been such a blessing to him and to us.  She takes such good care of him.  I try to think what life would be like without her, what Dad's life would be like, and it's not a pretty picture.  He would have been alone all these years, nobody to help him, nobody to talk to, nobody to share his life with.

I have learned so many things from her.  Because of Rae I know how to make bread, biscuits, and pie.  She inspires me to keep my home cleaner and provide good food for my family.  She's also been such a good example of loving family members, of welcoming them and including them.  Whenever I call and ask if we can come visit, she's always make me feel like it would be a pleasure for her and dad to have us, even though I know it's more work for her.

I've never liked the word 'stepmother', I think it has negative connotations and that it doesn't accurately describe my relationship with Rae.  She is a lovely lady.  She is kind and good.  I will bless her name forever.

Brigham's Haircut

Old Brigham

New Brigham

Brigham cut his hair!!!!

He hasn't gotten a haircut for over a year.  He had it trimmed for the musical last spring but only a little bit.  Mostly it's been growing for a year.  It was getting seriously long.  It started bothering me when I couldn't see his eyes anymore.  I tried really hard not to mind his long hair.  Craig says that it's important for a young man to assert his independence, and that includes choosing how to wear his hair and what music he likes to listen to.  So because I believe in agency, I let him grow it out.  I figured if he needed to be different, or rebel, or whatever, perhaps long hair was better than some other options.  Brigham said it was never about wanting to rebel but just because he liked to run his fingers through it and feel it against his neck.  He said it was getting ridiculous though, that he couldn't keep it out of his eyes.

Well whatever the reason, it is gone!  Yesterday he disappeared for a couple hours and then got home with short hair.  I had no idea that he had made an appointment on his own to get it cut.  He came in the house and said something to me but I didn't see him because I was facing my laptop at the computer desk.  Then I heard Ellie gasp, "What did you DO?"  I turned around and saw him with short hair and started yelling, "What?!  What!?  You cut your HAIR??????!!!!"

He said it was quite a reaction.  And that the kids at school today all had something to say about it.